Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
