My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
