Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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