So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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