I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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