i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
