and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just found puke in my bra..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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