the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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