I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
