I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize