First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
