fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Welp...herpes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
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'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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