He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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