You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
