Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
