I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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