Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He kissed a someone with a penis
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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