So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
