We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
