I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
