Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
