Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
