So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
