i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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