It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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