There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action