She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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