Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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