i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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