I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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