4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize