so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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