dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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