Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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