new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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