I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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