Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
