guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
