I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
