My brain says no but my pants say off.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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