I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
