Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
