My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
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He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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