what day is it and did you see me today?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
