When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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