so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
