Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
