I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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