Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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