I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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