Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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