So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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