everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
