So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
