dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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