I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
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Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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