Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
