we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
