You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
