I got chris browned last night
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
zippers are such a cool invention
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
