She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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