I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
