I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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