I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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